The Curse of Nordic Cove

The Curse of Nordic Cove is part first-person shooter, part adventure, and most of all a witty golf simulator. Players begin the game as the character Paulie Chops, a rough biker dude with a dirty mouth. After an archeologist, Dr. Howard Bre, and his assistant, Kayte Sparo, disturb an ancient gravesite a curse is activated and the evil Viking warlord Helfdane the Terrible is awaken.

Players take on the challenge of a game of golf that is often interrupted by Helfdane's groupies. Wraith Minions spawn randomly during the game, and are easily taken down with a punch to the face. Guarding ruin stones, Wraith Commanders are more challenging to kill as they attempt to take your soul. Even more enemies are introduced throughout the game that are as equally annoying as the Wraith cousins: flaming kamikaze ravens, small axe wielding giants, and crushing wolf beings. Using golf clubs, a potato gun, and other weapons to defeat these creatures is not always an easy task. Players would be advised to save potato gun ammunition, flame thrower fuel, and exploding golf balls for the tougher opponents.

The mechanics of The Curse of Nordic Cove are straightforward. The simplicity of making an action is done with the click of your mouse. Pick up beer cans to replenish health, severed hands (giving you the finger) for bonus points, and rakes for a porn-like jingle. Switching between golf clubs and weapons is done using the numbers on your keyboard or scrolling up and down on your mouse. Using your mouse for this has its disadvantages as it is quite slow moving from weapon to weapon. Stamina is depleted when swinging a weapon or running, and is appropriately regenerated with time.

Along with tracking stamina players will focus on the meter, at the bottom of the screen, when golfing. Wind direction and its speed are also of importance and easily distinguished at the side of the screen. Paying attention to these things is crucial for a powerful and accurate swing, gaining players more points and influencing their overall score.

Players will also take on the persona of Dr. Howard Bre. Dr. Bre solves puzzles - arranging golf carts, and stones - seeking entrance to Helfdane’s tomb. In general these puzzles are simple and easy to solve, however, Dr. Bre’s character is more difficult to maneuver then Paulie’s. He does not have access to Paulie’s wealth of weapons and is unable to run. This becomes instantly annoying as the process of solving puzzles is slow and bothersome.

While golfing minor glitches are easy to look over. Often the cursor will not line up with movements and picking up items becomes irritating when clicking on the item with no response. These are easily forgivable in comparison to other more frustrating glitches. Major glitches stick out while playing as Dr. Bre, making simple puzzles more difficult to solve. If Dr. Bre’s back is too close to the wall you may see the back of his eyes and an invisible head. When pushing or pulling on a stone pillar, Dr. Bre may refuse to let go, hindering your ability to comfortably move through the game.

There is no manual save option in The Curse of Nordic Cove; instead the game is saved automatically at golf holes and other minor checkpoints. However, quit the game and you will have to start the entire chapter over again. This becomes painstakingly infuriating, after struggling on one hole of golf for far too long.

The humor in The Curse of Nordic Cove is short lived. Paulie Chops comes off as a drunken college dropout, his sense of humor being that of a fourteen year old boy. Ball washers and belches are laughable until heard for the umpteenth time. The phrases “mashed potato,” “I thought what you knew what you were doing,” and “that ball must be afraid of the dark,” will be uttered by Paulie and Dr. Bre excessively, making these characters repulsive by the end of the game.

Whether looking to play a game of golf, kill some demon Vikings, or cruise around in a riding mower, players are bound to be amused. Unfortunately this amusement is short lived.

The Curse of Nordic Cove is currently on Steam Greenlight and can be purchased from the official website or Amazon. 

Megan Bethke, NoobFeed (@XboxBetty)